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Welcome To The Terrordome

2 Sep

Ladies and ladies, let me introduce you to my theme music-  Feel the drums, hear the sirens, feel the urgency…pure crazy, frantic, frenetic fire!  That’s some music to crush opinions buildings with!  Those glossy magazines can really kiss my grits…this is insane.  Hopefully in about two more weeks I can get back to myself and start seeing butterflies and daisies and rainbows but right now…ugh.  I just got off a phone call with an overly-concerned party and her opinions and I cut her off before she could finish any sentence I didn’t want to hear with “this is my wedding, when you get married you can do whatever you want to do.”  I don’t like being like this at all. 

Okay, some positivity.  More ETSY Love!  I haven’t figured out exactly what I’m going to do with all the goodies I just got but one I can definitely tell you how it’s going down.  When the portrait time is done, the veil (when I find one…LOL) is coming off and I’m going to party.  Peep my party flower!  It’s a cute lil felt and tulle, feather, and pearl-enhanced hair clip and we’re gonna have a good time!   The seller Bedbuggs is super quick so you might wanna check her page.  She also has ring pillows, tutus, and other cute goodies.


Day 40: Break Break Down

23 Aug

Uhm, I’m about to have a breakdown.  I’m teetering on the edge of tears as I type this ((I cried, man…I’m so aggravated)).  Since I’m at work this is just not possible so typing here will hopefully help me.  Y’all saw the tacky invitations.  Apparently I know more tacky people than I thought.  Please tell me why I keep getting RSVPs with people talking about UNINVITED dates and plus ones.  I can’t take this and I’m starting to get really frustrated.  Can people read?  Have people never attended an event before?  Is everyone just fucking insane and unware of COURTESY AND ETIQUETTE and MY ALREADY BIGGER THAN I WANTED WEDDING???????????????????????  I’m going to take a time out and go for a walk.  Breathe in, breathe out.

***I just came back from my little crying walk and as I was walking someone  calls me livid that his/her toddler can’t come to the wedding.  S/he threatened not to come now.  Really, people?   Is anyone dealing with this?  I’m am so sick of this crap.

Day 45: Tacky As Hell

18 Aug

So, we all have people who we know don’t care about Emily Post, have never heard of Emily Post, or will pretend a mixture of both.  I mean wedding etiquette is a soft, nuanced concept anyway but at this point in American history it is definited a fluid and oft-ignored one.  So, I had two RSVP cards.  One was the lovely standard where you could write in your and your INVITED guests name on the response card and all was well.  I know that many friends and family would not resist the temptation to also write in a few UNINVITED guests of their own so this second RSVP card was very necessary.  This invite also specifically states that this is an adult-only reception in case someone wanted to feign that they hadn’t heard the news.  Personally, I considered this RSVP card truly tacky but very necessary.  Apparently more necessary than I thought because I already received my first RSVP (YAY!) back and of course it was the “nice” version and someone saw fit to write in an additional guest.  Oh the fun phone call I’m going to have to make later.  Anyway, Day 45’s lesson?  Sometimes you just have to be a bit tacky to get your point across.

Sorry, Kid

26 Jul

A few weeks ago, a wedding blog that I enjoy (look on the side for the (Formerly) Unemployed Bride) had a flurry of commentary on the very controversial topic of kids at weddings just as I was trying to make that decision for myself.  My comments from that blog and another blog inspired by that discussion are as follows:

“im so going through this right now. if i let all of the children of invited guests come i will have 39 kids, 13 teens, and 6 babies at my wedding. i thought of hiring someone i know who is a child care professional and maybe a colleague or two of hers to watch the kids in a separate yet adjoined area with some activities. the thought of even planning that out is way too much for me right now though. anyway, what *YOU* want is what goes…period.”

“i definitely understand that black children need to see more weddings in our community but planning a wedding is no picnic and trying to find things to entertain another group of people may just not be the bride and groom’s cup of tea. i love children and all of the children in my life are very important to me as is family and community but the thought of planning baby sitters and activities for 39 kids, 13 teens, and 6 babies is more than i can bear at the moment. i keep waffling but right now…unless they are in the wedding…you’re gonna have to stay home- and there are abt 8 kids in the wedding ((yes im crazy)).”

“i also think that most times weddings are not fair to kids. they cant touch anything, they have to sit still and be quiet, they cant play…there are really just too many cants going on. so unless i can provide some entertainment for them, i’m doing us all a favor and having them stay home and play the video games they’d rather play in the first place.”

I understand both sides of the argument and I never thought I’d have to make this decision but I’m not gonna be able to do it!  I contemplated having a special area for kid activities with official Fun Specialists on hand with a kid-friendly menu but when I started breaking it down my pockets and my mind got tired and I just had to scrap it.  I love kids, I’m the fun and crazy auntie/godmommy/cousin who plans kid road trips and vacations every summer, I baby/kid sit often, hell- my wedding is going to have like eight kids in it!  All that extra stuff though, no.  I can’t.  I still love you, pumpkin pookies though. 

Now that I’ve made the decision, the fun part comes.  I have to let everyone else know.  I just did my invites and reaaaaaaaaaaaally could not figure out the best way to do this.  I know I can’t put it on the actual invite, so we now have a wedding website to convey that message along with hotel info, directions, etc so it doesn’t look lonely….lol.  I’ve learned that a friend recently received an invite with NO KIDS on it and I wish, but I’m not that bold but I am firm in my decision.  And today, as I look at my to do list…I’ll say I’m happy with that decision.  I think…ugh.


17 Jun

I come from a long line of excellent bargain shoppers.  If we had a family crest, it’d be the one above.  From the thrift store to the department store, we are about our business and will always get the best bang for our bucks.  Of course this attitude trickles over to wedding planning and among the many other bugs that my mumsy, granny, and sisters are putting into my ear about where to get it for cheap, the one that I really paid attention to was…”I know where to get veils for $15.”  Oh word?  Sign me up. 

I just cannot see myself paying $100+ for some tulle and a push comb.  I can’t.  I was already envisioning making one myself by I got lazy came to my senses.  It’s only a veil, right…how bad can it be for $15?  That’s a price well worth saving my time and energy (and frustration from glueing my fingers together).  I was unable to make a trip down to my hometown to find the veil myself so I sent my trusty crew of my mumsy, my granny, and my baby sis to find this elusive $15 veil for me.  I gave them specific enough instructions- bird cage, finger tip, or blusher in ivory.  And by now they should  know me well enough to know my style of dress.   I mean it’s been 30+ years, man.

First, let’s talk about these lovely ladies.  They like to show out and are definitely about the Bling Bling.  Think of the best dressed church lady you know Aretha hat and all.  That’s my mumsy and my granny aka the Dynamic Duo.  My little sis, I’ll just call her Breanna Barnes because she is very much Kyla Pratt’s “One On One” character.  All this to say, I do not like the veil they picked at all!  I mean I could have lived with some of the detail on it but these cheesy flowers? NO!

Of course, before I saw it I told them “oh whatever you pick will be special to me because you guys picked it.” Now I would like to eat those words.  Apparently there were other veils there but they were “too plain.”  Uhm…hello!   You call *MY* style plain…it’s a perfect match, no?  I mean…I’m Calvin Klein, they’re Betsy Johnson.  I’m Chanel, they’re Karl Lagerfeld.  I’m Tyra, they’re Kimora.  I’m Big Boi, they’re Andre3000.  I’m a big jackass baby, they were just doing me a favor…lol.  I need to still sort my feelings out about this obviously.