War of the Roses

2 Sep

Over three decades ago, two different couples started a family and welcomed into their families two little bundles of joy.  Everything aligned and God saw fit that over three decades later that these two bundles of joy would come together, fall in love, and start their own family.  Unfortunately, everything UNaligned for the the bundles of joys’ respective parents and now well…. I’m not sure they can even be “cordial, at best” to one another let alone the new wives that have joined the family.  I know we all saw War of the Roses, right?  I’m getting married in a garden but I for damned sure don’t want OUR roses to get to swinging on chandeliers and shutting the whole party down. 

Being the child of divorce is difficult enough.  Being a child of divorce planning a wedding is on a whoooooooooooole ‘nother level.  There is a delicate balance in managing relationships with your divorced parents especially if the divorce wasn’t exactly amicable.  Tresvant and my’s parents are definitely way far away from amicable.  I’ve been thinking that with so many people there our parents wouldn’t even have to acknowledge each other but really…even with my rose-colored glasses on…I am worried.  Loving both of your parents and wanting not to hurt or offend either of them really comes to a head on holidays, graduations, celebrations, and most especially weddings.  Is there anyone out there who feels me?  I just got off the phone with both of my parents and I feel horrible right now.  I should just change the name of this depressing ass blog to I Hate Wedding Planning.   WTF.


6 Responses to “War of the Roses”

  1. Ms. Lady September 2, 2010 at 3:38 pm #

    I completely understand your plight. When I planned my first wedding my mother was not fond of my Dad and his wife and vice versa. Though my Granny is a sweet lady she is a busy body and no one really wanted to be around her so we had to get creative with everything. I ended up planning everything in away where everyone was acknowledged, not disrespected and my wedding was not ruined by anyone getting punched out or cussed out.

    I had my mother sitting on one of the front row, my father and his wife sat on the other end and I had my sisters fill in in between. I had two front tables for each of my parents and the close family members they messed well with. My mom , her husband and some family were near the door and my Dad, his wife and his family were on the other side. No fights, no arguing, no tears I was happy. Good luck to you.

    • still blushing bride September 7, 2010 at 7:18 pm #

      Thank you, Miss Lady! It’s good to hear that I’m not alone and that someone survived this with no fisticuffs…LOL. I’m definitely going to have to get creative.

  2. Crystal September 3, 2010 at 12:48 am #

    My parents had a bad breakup 20 years ago (never married, really long story), and I have been dealing with it since. My father did a number of things that were really foul, and now he tries to be friends with my mother, but she really wants no parts of him. She might speak cordially, but that’s about all he’s going to get out of her.

    When I was planning my wedding, I mentioned to her that they would be sitting on the same pew during the ceremony and she said, “Um…how close?”

    They made it through, and during the reception were seated at different tables with their respective friends and family members. Nobody threw ‘bows – everyone was nice to one another. Turned out far better than I expected. Hopefully all the parents will put aside their differences for a day and everything will turn out well.

    • still blushing bride September 7, 2010 at 7:20 pm #

      Thank you, Crystal. Our situations sound pretty similar except with a new wife involved. I am indeed hoping for the best. Again, good to see another survivor!

  3. Renita September 9, 2010 at 2:39 am #

    I’m sure everyone will be on their best behavior for you & your guy’s special day. Being a fellow child of divorce I feel your pain. I wondered/worried about all the exact things as I’m sure most children of divorced parents who are getting married do. I also have to wonder if we build up the worst possible nuptial disasters in our heads…probably not. I’d like to think people can get it together and pretend they can stand each other for like an hour. We do it every damn day at work, surely for a loved one’s wedding it can be done. I’ve seen some pretty creative, thoughtful and deliberate measures taken to prevent a disaster. You seem to have a knack for all of this and I think you’ll figure it all out and just in time. Wishing you the VERY best of luck:)

  4. Tiffany In Houston October 6, 2010 at 4:50 pm #

    Ma’am are you married yet??? 🙂

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